March 22, 2014

And So.....

I may just be the worst blogger ever.
I should be blogging more because I really dont have much to do and i have a lot of things on my mind....
I have come to the realization that i have anger issues. its mostly due to the position im in with living in the forbidden state of Pennsylvania. I just hate it soooooo much. 
I've gotten too comfortable. my schedule usually goes something like this:
btwn 6am-7am Wake up
btwn 7am-8am Take my ass to the gym
btwn 9am-1030am eat,shower,nap
145pm get ready to go to work
3-1130p work BLAHHHHHH
Go home and sleep and do it all again the next day.
I dont go out, i have zero social life. My friends are more like acquaintances now which is upsetting. It sucks losing those connections especially when one is trying to keep them.
My social interaction usually comes from someone in my immediate family, mainly my sister Cane. the people i work with are a lot older and i really dont entertain them. 
^That contributes to my anger^
other contributions include not having constant positive energy around.
When i went to Kean, living on my own, i was able to do pretty much whatever i wanted without someone up my butt 24/7 making sure im safe and sound in the comforts of a house and watchful eye (mom). I didnt have to answer to anyone, i always had something to do, i always had someone around with encouraging words. whenever i felt like doing absolutely nothing or get down on myself, there was someone there to say...."no, diane. this is not the time to be mopy. Just do what you have to do"....out here, living with my parents, there isnt much inspiration or positivity motivating myself to do anything. right now im just letting life pass me by. I watch people i grew up with or graduated college with and im jealous bc they're making the lives they want.....great job, own place, better vehicle than mine, engaged, or taking the next big steps in life.....and im just here.
I know its up to me to change things but when you have constant downers who discourage every decision you want to make by pointing out all the negatives that may arise with that situation, its so easy to just give up and thats what i been doing. 
The psychologist in me says i go through bouts depression at least three times a year. the gym and running dont excite me at all. 
Plus i have the worst attitude and my anger is at an all time high. but i truly believe this happens to every one at some points in just happens to me a little more than some.
anyways, enough of my rambling......
here are to random pictures that make me happy
Me and my uncle thats my cousin going to a wedding (left) and the beach in the bahamas from October

Enjoy the day lads....